


Definitely not a Couple

by phandomcryptid



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, Friends to Lovers, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 01:50:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14368308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phandomcryptid/pseuds/phandomcryptid
Summary: They weren’t together. Dan knew that much. He and Phil were not a couple. Not dating. They were two guys who lived together, friends, and that was going to be it.Going to be.





	Definitely not a Couple

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first phanfic I ever wrote, when I still wasn't really comfortable with the concept of writing phanfic

**2011**  
They weren’t together. Dan knew that much. He and Phil were not a couple. Not dating. They were two guys who lived together, friends, and that was going to be it. 

Going to be.

And it was going to be hard. Dan had a crush on Phil from the moment he saw him, and he was sure that it was him being his idol. That was it. It had to be. Spending more time would fix it - he’d see Phil more as a real person and the crush would fade, or maybe turn out to just be more of a friendship-type crush. It would be fine.

Things were fine, but Dan was 20 and still figuring himself out, and he spent all his time with one person. Which was how it happened that he first kissed Phil. He was a bit tipsy at the time, and he kissed him back. Just for a second, before he insisted that they wait until the morning, when Dan hadn’t been drinking and they’d both had some time to think.

That was how it started. They’d talked about it, about what that meant for them. The conclusion made them both happy. They weren’t together. He and Phil were not a couple. Not dating.  
They just fooled around sometimes. 

Regularly. 

A lot.

 **2017**  
Dan had been doing better. Getting better, learning more about himself, as he was constantly. He still had bad days, sometimes strings of them. Sometimes for no reason, sometimes with something small pushing him over the edge. He had no idea when something would happen. No idea if it would give him a bad day or a bad week.

He had no idea.

Which meant that he was hit hard when Phil came home that day. Dan was lounging on the sofa, and the one thing that invariably got Dan up was Phil coming home. He got up, smiling and going to kiss him again. And Phil actually stepped back. 

“I have a date.”

And Dan knew what he actually meant by “I have a date”. What he meant was ‘we have to stop’.

They weren’t together. Dan knew that much. He and Phil were not a couple. Not dating. They were two guys who lived together, friends, and now that was going to be it.

“Oh, that’s great.” he said quietly. “Anybody I know?”

“No, just someone I met when I was out a few weeks ago, we saw each other again and he asked me out.”

Dan nodded, looking up at him. He tried going on with a normal conversation, which faded as he and Phil both faded. Phil went to bed, leaving Dan to lounge on the sofa. About an hour after Phil left the room, Dan knew something was off. So he went to bed, hoping to find some peace in sleep. Which was immediately disrupted when he crawled into bed. His own bed, without Phil in it. And that meant he knew what felt off. He usually declined into a bad day, but he’d been suddenly dropped into one. The constant from the past six years had been ripped away. He was sure it would be fine - he’d get through a rough patch, get used to hanging out with Phil like anyone else. He’d be fine.

He didn’t sleep that night.

//

It had been 3 days. Phil’s date was 2 days ago, he’d planned another, and Dan’s bad day had been 3 days long now. The first day, he managed to pretend decently well. Enough to not concern Phil. Today, Dan wasn’t getting up at all. Phil had come into Dan’s room twice already to check on him, and Dan had pretended to be asleep. He didn’t want to talk, and Phil always wanted to talk. The third time, Dan had spaced out too much to notice him coming in. He was curled up, staring at his wall, keenly aware of the empty space at his back. Phil wasn’t there, and he was so aware of it that he didn’t notice Phil standing in the doorway.

Phil went around to get a look at Dan, hoping to get him to actually get up. He reached out to lift Dan’s chin, try to get an ounce of recognition from him. Yesterday, Dan had been weird. It was definitely a bad day - Dan was quieter than normal, all expression gone from his face. Today was worse - he wasn’t getting up, not moving.

The next day, Phil was taking care of him again. Getting him up and making sure he showered and got dressed. Going on a walk and bothering Dan until he came with. It was 3 days before Dan realized that this time, depression wasn’t the problem. He just didn’t know what it was.

//

It was a month before he realized that the problem was heartbreak. He was sitting on the sofa, leaning against Phil. The realization came with him realizing that he was happy. That he had been a few times over these past days, when he was with Phil and things seemed normal. The problem wasn’t depression. The problem was heartbreak. And that realization was too much. He started crying silently, and it took Phil a moment to notice. He stopped a moment, then just pulled Dan closer. As far as Phil was concerned, this meant that at least Dan was feeling something. A sign that things were starting to get better. So he just let it happen, Dan falling asleep against Phil for the first time in months.

Over the next weeks, Phil went on 3 more dates, and Dan was doing a bit better. At first, Phil still had to make him get up, but once Dan was actually up he went through the motions of what he knew he had to do. But he was trying his best to figure out how to live without Phil constantly there. Without Phil next to him in bed, without Phil kissing him when he came home anymore. And he was focused enough on bettering himself that he hadn’t noticed that Phil was getting… well, less Phil.

**Phil’s pov**

**2017**  
Phil had spent the day out with a guy he’d met a few weeks ago. At the end of the day, he came home and was immediately greeted by Dan coming in to kiss him again. He stepped back, staring at Dan.

“I have a date.”

“Oh, that’s great.” he said quietly. “Anybody I know?”

“No, just someone I met when I was out a few weeks ago, we saw each other again and he asked me out.”

He saw that this was clearly a bit of a change for Dan, which he knew was always disruptive to him. He tried to pretend things were normal, until he went to bed. When he started thinking about Dan’s face when he’d heard that he had a date.

The next few days, Dan was weird. He wasn’t sure, but he seemed to be just… well, off. Which meant that Dan was hiding again. It was only a few days before he gave in and went to Dan’s room, eventually sitting next to him to just bring him any comfort he could. The next day he’d make Dan actually get up.

//

It was a long stretch before anything happened again. He was getting better, but they both knew it was false improvement. He was acting better, not feeling better. But a month later, Dan suddenly started crying. Phil stared for a moment, pulling him closer and just holding him. It was only 4pm, but Dan fell asleep, and Phil completely forgot about the date he had planned until he was… well, very clearly reminded.

He’d given Adam a key recently, and told him to come in when he got there pick him up. And he was still on the sofa with Dan against him when he came in. He looked up as he heard footsteps, remembering that he’d already had plans.

“What’s going on?”

Phil turned to look up at him, suddenly aware of what it looked like.

“Sorry, Dan kinda freaked out, I can’t leave him like this.”

“What, he got upset so you’re taking a nap with him?”

“We can talk about this later, okay?”

They rescheduled for a week later. They would go hang out at Adam’s place and they would watch a movie. And they would talk.

//

“So you guys do stuff like that a lot?”

It was an uncomfortable topic, to say the least. Not something he knew how to talk about, and sure as hell not with a boyfriend. He kept an arm around Adam, staring down.

“I mean, kind of. We’re just kind of like that with our friends.” he said quietly. “And he really needed me. He’s been dealing with stuff for a long time, he just… he broke down. It happens sometimes.”

“Happens sometimes? I mean falling asleep cuddled up with your friend isn’t exactly normal.”

“We’ve lived together for 6 years.”

“Yeah, lot can happen in 6 years. You ever date?”

“We never dated. We’re close.”

Their conversation stopped, but it didn’t quite feel right.

They kept going out, but it was a bit uneasy the whole time. Phil wasn’t acting like himself anymore, both of them kind of toeing around the concept of Dan and trying not to mention him too much. It was another 3 months before anything happened.

“You sure that you and Dan never did anything?” Adam muttered, after another day of Phil talking about how Dan was doing during their date.

“I never… I never said we never did anything.” Phil said, looking over at him. “I said we never dated.”

Adam stared at him for a moment, seeming to be processing what he’d said.

“So you did do something?”

“Well, yeah. Dan was 20 when we moved in together. He was still figuring things out for himself.”

“More than once?”

“Yeah. Kind of a lot, really.” Phil said, blushing brightly as he thought about his past with Dan.

“When did that start?”

“Few weeks after we moved in together.”

“And the last time was..?”

“The day you asked me out.” Phil said quietly.

“Six years?”

“Yeah…”

“Six years and you really think it was just fucking?”

Phil looked down. “I don’t know.” What he did know was that it was over with Adam.

 

//

**New Year’s Eve**

He and Dan were on the sofa again, Dan leaning against Phil. They were both drinking more than either knew they should, especially given the state Dan had been and the fact that Phil had just been broken up with. So it wasn’t really a surprise when Dan kissed him at midnight.

The next morning, Phil woke up with Dan asleep on him, holding onto his shirt as he slept. It was clear how desperate he was for this, how much he’d missed being at Phil’s side. 

When Dan woke up, Phil had just been holding him for nearly an hour, absentmindedly messing with his hair. When Dan actually woke up, he shifted slightly to figure out why he wasn’t in his own room, and to process that he had actually kissed Phil.

“Morning.” Phil said quietly, running his fingers over the bare skin above Dan’s sagging sweatpants. He swore he could feel the vulnerability radiating off Dan.

Dan stopped, resting his head on Phil’s chest again and staying silent for a moment. “So… last night…” he muttered.

“Yeah… I didn’t mind. You know that, right?”

Dan nodded a little, fidgeting with the hem of Phil’s shirt. “Of course I know that. It’s not that, it’s… six years, y’know? And then nothing.”

Adam’s words echoed in his mind. Six years and you really think it was just fucking? He hadn’t been sure how true it was for him until this moment. But as it became clear how much it had hurt Dan, he couldn’t help but feel an ache in his chest as well. The idea that he had hurt Dan broke his heart.

“You and Adam broke up because of me, didn’t you?” he mumbled, curling up tighter.

Phil sighed, looking down at him. “Kind of.” he muttered. He didn’t want to lie to him. “Things got weird, I guess.”

“When did it start getting weird?”

Phil thought for a moment. Things had been weird for a long time, really. “About 3 months ago, I guess.” he said quietly. “One of your really bad days, when you fell asleep on me crying. I’d forgotten that I’d invited him over, given him a key to get in. He saw us, found out I’d forgotten about our date because I was taking care of you.”

“You’d do that for anyone though.” Dan said quietly.

“Yeah, well for awhile he figured that was it. Then he found out that we’d been sleeping together and… well, that’s when we split.”

“So it was because of me.”

“No, Dan, it isn’t your fault. We weren’t happy together. He was worried about me… well, he said ‘Six years and you really think it was just fucking?’ It made him uncomfortable, I guess.”

He looked back to Dan again after a moment, and Dan was crying again. “That day I fell asleep on you…” he muttered, hiding his face in Phil’s chest. “I’d realized awhile before then that the problem wasn’t depression. It just took me ‘til then to realize what the problem was.”

Phil ran his fingers through Dan’s hair, holding him a little tighter. “It’s okay, Dan.” he said quietly. “He was right. At least for me. I don’t know what it was, but it definitely wasn’t just fucking.”

Dan’s head snapped up at that, staring up at Phil. “What I realized was that… that the reason the reason it hurt so much was…” He went quiet again, Phil staring at him expectantly.

“Was..?”

“It wasn’t just fucking for me.” he said quietly after a moment. “I mean, I thought that since you do lots of stuff people think is romantic with all your friends, it was just that for you. But for me that was… it felt like the first real relationship I ever had, and it wasn’t even a real relationship.”

It wasn’t often that Dan cried like this, his voice coming out in hiccups, words wavering when he could actually manage to get them out. When he did, things were always hard for him and Phil. He was always horribly embarrassed, and he obviously felt awful whenever it was happening. Phil hated seeing Dan hurt, and it always brought Dan clinging to him like his life depended on it. He knew how scared he was, and it made his heart ache.

Phil held Dan closer, kissing the side of his head gently. “It wasn’t just fucking for me either. Six years. How the hell could it be?” he said quietly. “Especially when you’re so sweet. And so pretty.” Phil muttered, running his hand over Dan’s side. He’d learned, over their six years of being Definitely Not Together, what Dan needed when. Right now, Dan needed him being gentle. Soft touches, gentle kisses, Phil running his fingers through his hair. Calming his brain while also keeping it busy enough that he didn’t go numb again.

Phil smiled a little as Dan curled closer to him, pressing against his side.

“Love you, Phil.” Dan mumbled, closing his eyes. He had his head on Phil’s chest, comfortably falling into what they’d once not quite had. Phil held Dan tighter, closing his eyes as well.

“Love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> You can contact me at phandomcryptid.tumblr.com


End file.
